embrace the call

So we’re talking about peer groups at this year’s Society for the Advancement of Continuing Education for Ministry annual conference. I am learning (from this conference and from reflecting on my own experiences) that some of the best growth, learning and spiritual and academic formation takes place in groups of peers. Peer groups work:

• when participants are not pushing their own agenda (like showing how brilliant they are or assuming that whatever he or she says is BRILLIANT or THE NEXT NEW REVELATION IN SCHOLARSHIP)

(this statement is not a reaction to anything that has happened at this conference. It’s just a general observation.)

I respect the peer group model when we have “experts” facilitating conversations, as long as people in the audience are not obsessed with making comments to prove how smart they are. The model works when we have conversations and engage with each other. A good facilitator allows the conversation to naturally change directions and grow. Sometimes, conversations don’t have to be linear, and they don’t have to have a clear goal.

Also, peer groups often work when people who hold knowledge, power and authority invite younger/less experienced members to the group. The newer members should not be asked to speak for their entire constituency (you’re young – what do Young People Think™ about this topic?) but they should be welcomed to the table. I’m thankful for groups that have extended a welcoming hand to me so that I can participate in events, conferences, and conversations. Even if I am not an expert on a topic, oftentimes I can learn from my peers, and I can often contribute thoughts and perspectives from directly or indirectly related areas.

A good conference. Very tired today, however. But, a good conference. I am also thankful that I can be present in a way that is comfortable for me. Some of us have laptops, I am taking notes, a few people have had to step out and check voicemails, but I/we have the freedom to participate in different ways. Today, I am listening, learning and engaging in conversations between sessions. I don’t feel obligated to make a statement in the gathering in order to be taken seriously. I can be present, and think.

I learned about this useful exercise from Kathy. Kathy is a fantastic and honest blogger.

This exercise is full of feeling words. Such a stretch for this ISTJ, but growth comes with challenge, right?

looking back, looking forward

in 2009…

3-4 words that describe this past year…busy, challenging, worthwhile, conquered.
if 2009 was a book, I’d title it…Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy (and that includes sanity)
I am really glad I tried…following my own desires rather than passively waiting for someone to give me direction. Duh.
something that really surprised me was…how resilient I am. I’ve always been strong. But…yeah. So, bring it.
the most courageous thing I did this year was….not give up.
I tried to let go of….resentment and meddling. Goodness. Life is too short to engage in those futile pursuits!
I tried to hold on to…my inner sense of direction.
I felt more hopeful about…the future. Don’t know what it holds…and I am completely at peace with this.
I felt less anxious about…relationships.
a relationship I feel extra grateful for this year….the husband.
this year, I noticed God at work in…the school, the students, the faculty and staff.

in 2010:

words I hope describe this upcoming year…surprising, direction, smiling, fruitful, peace-filled.
something new I really want to try…school in a different context.
a relationship I want to pour more of my heart and time into…friendships. In general.
a way I want to take better care of myself is…eating better. It can be done! And not listening to people whine about entitlement-fueled fantasies.
a way I want to reach out to others is…through patience and listening.
I’d really love to experience more of God’s peace in….relationships.
I’m going to need God’s courage to….follow through with not giving up.
this year I hope I let go of…the need for approval.
this year i hope i can hold on to….hope.
one dream i have for 2010 is…to be open to possibilities we can’t even imagine until we see them.

Happy new year.

It’s strange to have church in the evening, and not in the morning. I am a morning person – my mind is sharper, my energy levels are up, I am bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready for anything in the morning. So to have Christmas Eve services in the evening? It feels different.

I am waiting.

Isn’t that what Advent is all about, anyway? The world pushes us towards Christmas – to sing Christmas hymns and carols right after Thanksgiving, to decorate the church and the home to celebrate the Christ Child. [The GBOD worship preparation website spoke about this very Advent topic more eloquently than I could ever hope to. See especially the bottom of the page for The Intrusion of Christmas.]

But Advent is a time of…waiting. Watching. Preparing. Just as a pregnant woman waits…and waits…and waits for her time to come, just as Mary had to hurry up and wait. Just as the world waited for a savior. Just as presents are made or bought, wrapped, arranged, packed, shipped…and then we wait for their delivery, for the day when we will open them and celebrate.

Waiting. On this Christmas Eve afternoon, with a couple of hours before worship…we wait.

May you be open to the surprising things God has in store for you in the coming year. May you have the presence of mind and the patience to wait for God’s direction. May you be present in the moment and stay put when God asks you to stay put – whether that means staying in an emotional place, a spiritual space or a physical location. May you stick with those things that challenge you most, that make you cringe in fear at what might come forth.

May the waiting for Christ bless you today and always. Go in peace.

Signs I got behind on life over the past eighteen weeks:

• Just discovered a $25 restaurant gift card we received in August. AUGUST, people. I don’t forget food or gift cards…until now, I suppose? So this afternoon includes a late lunch/early dinner out. Woo!
• Organized the grocery coupons…and threw away coupons from October. Come on, now.
• Apparently I was rarely home when it was light out – because my house is pretty when the sun is coming through the windows! Huh! Who knew.

I have a couple of pre-new year resolutions. Since the school will be closed and I will be home over the holiday break, I resolve to do the following:

• read my three J-Term books. Once this class (The Saying of Jesus) is completed, I’ll be done with this Master of Theological Studies.
• read fluff. Debating whether to plow through a bunch of Anne Rice novels. Why not continue the vampire reading trend? Or branch into some newer science fiction.
• Play Facebook games. Suggestions are welcome.
• Clean the guest bedroom from top to toe.
• Keep going to the gym. A new branch is opening up close to home, which will be just spiffy for the days I don’t drive up to the office.
• Fix the iPod jack in the car, either by getting the wire replaced or install a newer device to transmit music.
• Prepare a three week breakneck bible study on Mark, and plan out some curriculum for the winter and spring months at the church.

Sheesh. These tasks sound so fluffy (which is the point). But it’s WEIRD. Like, time to think. And rest. What an innovative concept.

I’ve got some better internal checks and balances set for the winter months. The work and time invested this fall in the job was worth it. but my perspective is bigger, now (and I trust it will continue to increase over time) and I am ready to tackle some things in different ways.

And once again, I remind myself that my blog would be much more interesting if I wrote about work, admissions, personal relationships and drama. But I don’t. Life is pretty good, really. It’s nice to be in a good place. The joy I had about a year ago? It’s back. It’s been a wild ride. Nice to feel like myself again.

It’s Sunday night. The email box was very quiet this week, until about 4 p.m. today. I added to the noise by sending some messages to prepare for this week. Feels like the world is gearing up to get back to business.

It’s the end of a long holiday weekend. I am rested…and tired of thinking only about myself for a couple of days there. Vacation is supposed to take place for a finite period of time. It’s time to get back to work. Do some good in the world.

On another note: we whipped out the Musical Response to Communion today (can I get an amen for pages 17 and 18 in The United Methodist Hymnal?). GOOD STUFF. And we sang a hymn that I was curious about. I am familiar with “Soon and Very Soon” but I didn’t know if I became familiar with it at the church, or at MTSO, or elsewhere. I’m always a bit careful when it comes to selecting hymns that may not be familiar to the congregation. There is no choir at the early service, so there’s no backup if people don’t know the song. At the late service, the choir helps considerably, but sometimes hymns have to be taught or sung a couple of times before it seems that the congregation is comfortable with it. Well, today? It was all good. I looked out and saw people just a singin’ away! Good stuff. Thanks for your enthusiasm.

We have six visitors coming to campus this week. If you see them, welcome them to our learning community.

Good luck on your final papers, students. Last push until the end…

This has been a good weekend.

• On Friday, I spent the day doing absolutely nothing. That has not happened since, like, May? Amazing. Restful. Affirming. Like, my goal after getting up in the morning was to…read The Entire Internet. And I did! Also finished Stephenie Meyer’s The Host. Angst-filled like the Twilight series, but a different book. It’s not really a young adult book. I enjoyed it!
• I learned that Marie Callender’s pumpkin pie is one of the best pumpkin pies I have ever enjoyed. Good stuff. Amazing what frozen food can be.
• We have not had any problems with Precious this weekend (knock on wood).
• It’s hard to see family age. But. It’s not a new thing. But. It is hard.
• Got to bed late Friday night/Saturday morning. Looked at the BlackBerry and saw that Saturday was highlighted on the calendar. Had a panic because I didn’t realize that after midnight…it’s Saturday. The next day IS Sunday…but in 23 hours. Had about three seconds of panic thinking that church was actually in seven hours, and I needed to sleep and finish my sermon. In that order. UGH.
• No shopping this weekend other than a basic grocery trip. There wasn’t anything we needed to purchase for ourselves or for others. So. That was nice.
• Next week is going to be very full. Many visitors. Many, many visitors. Meetings. Meetings. Files. Emails. Eh.
• Finding that my emails come across as harsh. I am just…utilitarian. I need to work on that. Sometimes there is no substitute for a face to face or phone conversation.
• Preaching tomorrow. Happy First Sunday of Advent! Happy Year C! Nap around 2 p.m. tomorrow.
• It was a pleasure to see everyone on Facebook this weekend. Fun celebrations and sharing. Thanks.

See you in the new lectionary year!

So as you may have seen from this morning’s post, we are/were looking for a new home for Cat Number 1, Precious. She really is a neurotic, sweet, loving cat. In the past couple of months, she has decided that she really doesn’t like her little adopted brother, Slugger. Long story short, she is a good kitty…other than anxiety-produced marking every couple of days. Not okay. Can’t have a cat that doesn’t use the litter box. We need a 100% success rate here.

(FYI: we do the multiple litter box thing, we’ve added litter boxes, we’ve put boxes where Precious is using the floor, we don’t give her people food or wet cat food, we confined her, we’ve tried Feliway which just made her kinda high and mellow….you get the point. We’ve worked really hard to be good pet owners and help her.)

So. I made a last ditch call to the vet about our options. No help at all. The tech on the phone asked if we had brought Precious in to check for a urinary tract infection. Yes, yes, we did that. Followed the course of treatment and everything. Even though her marking is behavioral. But. Anyway. The woman then said “there’s nothing we can do.” At this point I am trying not to cry on the phone (I know, I sound melodramatic, but it’s my CAT and I LOVE HER and I don’t throw away animals or keep them around when they are obviously unhappy) and I asked if they have any options for placement or adoption resources.

“No.”

Okay, then. I wasn’t asking you to do something for me that I should be doing. I was just asking for a resource. Since you’re in the pet welfare, caretaking and adoption business. And since we’ve given you a LOT of money over the last four years. And remember when you didn’t declaw all four paws when we asked, so Precious had to go in for a second surgery? Yeah. Thanks.

After conversations with friends and family (thanks, Mom) it dawned on me that maybe we just have a crappy vet. Duh. I’ve asked about drugs for the cat (oooo, now I sound like I am hustling for feline controlled substances – exciting!) and they would not even entertain that. We are willing to try medicine (kitty Prozac?) if it will lower her anxiety level and help her behavioral issues. It’s my fault that I didn’t assess this vet sooner; I was a new pet owner, they were close to our home and they seemed good enough.

So. We moved the litter boxes to the basement (hopefully that will buy us a few days of novelty and Precious won’t be bad) and we are calling other vets tomorrow to talk through more options. We don’t want to send her to a shelter where she will be miserable and terrified before being adopted (if she is adopted), and we don’t want to hand her off to someone to find her a new home if we have not been responsible in trying to help her to the best of our abilities.

Thank you to everyone who shared in our pain and helped problem solve. We’ll be in touch and continue the conversation once we have more information. Your responses mean so much.

Precious, our four year old pretty little cat, needs a good home. She is a sweet animal, but she does not like our other cat, Slugger. The vet says that she will be happy only in another home…and that in a no-cat household, she will be as sweet as can be. We are being responsible adults and giving up our beloved kitty so that she can be happy. Humans should not keep animals if animals would be happier in another home.

So, would you like a kitty? Here is Precious’ Craigslist ad.

Email me if you would like a good kitty. She will love you forever, and The Husband and I will be happy to know that Precious is in a good and loving home.

Oh, hey, world! What do you mean it’s November already? Really? Huh. That’s amazing.

Wait, so things have happened since September? That’s right. The leaves have changed, it’s chilly outside (hooray, sweaters!), we moved the clocks back one hour….you know, the usual.

What have I been up to, you ask? Well, let me share a bit:

• Watched a lot of students get all excited about fall break…and then returned with the dark realization that Reading Week/Fall Break really means not getting schoolwork finished, not getting enough done, and still having to return to class without all of one’s ducks in a row.
• Got a sinus infection that made me learn to hustle for antibiotics (it’s true, I have no shame, I now know how to hustle for drugs) and grow a backbone when it comes to getting a doctor to listen to me.
• Went to a bunch of colleges and universities to recruit. Braved the Ohio and Indiana roadways, walking through college campuses in all weather, offering pens to prospects when the tables beside me offered better giveaways (think squeezey toys, highlighters, notepads and chocolate) all while gently reminding prospects that theological education is the next logical step
• Hosted an open house that could not have happened without the help and direction of wonderful staff, faculty and students giving up their Saturday to talk to prospective students
• Talked to the University Senate about the school (which was interesting! I would enjoy being on the other side of the table someday…hmmmm)
• Went down to Nashville to talk about seminaries and their relationships with deacons and deacon candidates and the curriculum offered for deacons, and talked about United Methodist certification.
• Bought cute clothes at Kohls
• Read the entire Twilight series and have come to the conclusion that having a Sparkle Vamp of my own would be annoying and amusing, all at the same time
• Went to the National Youth Workers Convention in Cincinnati to recruit, hung out with great United Methodists (and lots of other great people), and realized that male youth workers have a look: spiky hair or shaved heads, often with a trimmed goatee or pencil thin beard, snug polo shirts or earth-tone tshirts, artfully faded jeans or khakis, sneakers or Earth Shoes, and possibly a plaid newsboy cap. And a wife pushing a stroller.

What’s ahead? Well, next weekend is Exploration - a discernment event for young adults thinking about ordained ministry. I had the privilege of working on curriculum/workshops in 2007 and 2008, and helping a little with worship planning in 2009. I am so excited about this event. It’s not about treating young people as the future of the church and dumping the responsibility of the church upon their shoulders. It’s about creating cultures of call, of giving young people the permission to dream, to articulate, to respond to the calls God has placed upon their lives. See, God will continue to work in spite of humanity’s efforts to confine God or to put people’s calls into little boxes. But we can help, rather than hinder, by walking alongside God in bringing about the fullness of calls to ministry and service to the world.

So happy. It’s like I am so happy that I am peaceful and silent and ready to let this potential wash over me and the group. What a humbling, grace-filled opportunity to be a part of.

After that? No more travel until January. Happy about that, too.

It was good! Small group, but a good group. Lots of planning for a handful of people. But. We had good conversations and good sharing and good theological discussion. The weekend class met us for breakfast, we conversated a bit up in the Dewire lounge, moseyed on down to Gault, had a lovely, thoughtful roundtable discussion with the dean, talked nuts and bolts around admission (i.e. “you should enroll here. Let me tell you how to do so. Give me your application or you will not be permitted to leave campus today.“) enjoyed fellowship and pizza with the weekend class, had a spiffy student panel and sent our visitors forth into the chilly Ohio air.

A good day. Thank you to all of the people who participated in the event: the faculty, staff and students who took time out of their precious Saturdays to speak with prospects.

In other, unrelated news: oh good lordy I am sick. I have been for a month – which makes me feel chronically whiny and irresponsible. I now have drugs and medical advice, because I was a Responsible Adult™* and went back to the doctor. Sinus infection. Ew. Life, uncomfortable/whiny sick. The kind of sick that makes you wake up in the middle of the night when your cold medicine wears off, and you lay there thinking about United Methodist polity. (no joke. 3:00 a.m. never looked so annoying) But not contagious.  Apparently lots of people are sick right now. How frustrating. So. I disinfected the bedroom and bathroom, vacuumed and changed the sheets, I am going to make some hot and sour soup, take some more Emergen-C and rest, rest, rest. No church for me tomorrow (second sick day in a month! Wow.) and may not be attending our district meeting with the bishop. Time will tell.

*I tend to use the catchphrase Responsible Adult™ when I feel like the world is crashing down, I am incompetent and my house is dirty. (those fears hit me typically in that order. True fact.) It reminds me that:

1. No one cares about my house as long as I am not growing micro-organisms in it – a little mess never hurt anyone,
2. I am not incompetent – I did something responsible! Even if it is something as small as going to the doctor, writing an email or taking care of a nagging problem, I am functional in normal society, and
3. I beat myself up too much sometimes. Living in the past is for the birds.
4. Complaining doesn’t make anything better – action works for calming the mind.